What or Who Should I Believe.....

I have always been a questioning, skeptical person. An example being was I always asked all these questions about Santa Claus and I was persistent (after all we didn't have a chimney, so how did he get in?) I soon learned tht answer to that question :D

Now there have been parts of my life that I never thought I had to be skeptical towards when it comes to believing it and that is in the classroom. Call me naive, inexperienced, young, etc. whatever. The point is this I never thought I would have to wonder whether what I was being in taught in class was true or not.

I hear some many facts abotu history that contradict each other. I read different historical books, hear different facts from many professors and even stuff on TV: History Channel, Natinoal Geographic, and even Glenn Beck with his different specials that he has and his most famous one Founder's Fridays.

I hear and read of so many contradicting facts from all kinds of sources. I don't what to think. What I would like to be able to do is to be able to is to read the original documents and see it for myself, instead have other people and teachers telling me what to believe and think.

I want to think objectivly for myself, not have someone else do it for me. After all I don't like being told what to believe. I know I'm not the only one to believe this.

I know now what I need to do, I need to research anything that is of interest to me and write about, to help create interest in others. To help them to learn for themselves and to help them appreciate the amazing history of this great country.

Never Forget where we came from, for if we do, we will forget who we are and will be lost. I hope that if we do get lost, we will once again find our way. For I fear what to think if we are lost forever.

Something Disturbing ......Soviet National Anthem.... & Communism in America...

I was just browsing through people's blogs and I came across this link. It was a youtube vid about the USSR national anthem. Listening to it, oh it gives me chills.

Now I never lived during the time of when Communist Russia began, but I did have ancestors that lived in territories that were under USSR control. My ancestors came from what is modern day Ukraine and Slovakia. Now I don't know how the area of Slovakia was affected but I do know a little bit about Ukraine. Stalin and his Soviet Union was responsible for something far worse then the Holocaust in my opinion. The numbers even state this.

I'm talking about the Unkrainian Genocide.

I'm guessing you never heard of it. Neither did I untill a year ago. I was watching Glenn Becks show and I learned more about it. But that topic will be in my next post.

Seeing this is really bothersome for me. Yes I know I have the right not to watch and and people have to right to put it up, cause of our Consititution. Nevertheless. Seeing and hearing the Soviet Union's National Anthem- talking about how people are free and that they are a great communists nation in the same sentence...its like hearing Hitler and hero in the same sentence for me. It doesn't make sense. I advise you to listen to it and see how they made themselves look and how they wanted to have themselves viewed.

This link is to the communists party in America!!! Did you know we had one, I knew....but I didn't think how troubling they were.

http://www.cpusa.org/

But more then that...please...please look up information about the soviet union. Don't just believe anyone the politicians, your professors, me. Think for yourself. Learn the true history of it all.

Books I have Read and Want to Read #1

I have a lot of books. I want to read all the books that exist. I had a goal to finish about 10 books by the end of this summer.

This is What I have Read so far:

1. The Bad Queen ~Carolyn Meyer
2. A Child of Hitler~ Alfons Heck
3. Sybil ~ Flora Rheat Schreiber
   

...I need to get a move on. Although with taking classes and reading a lot there, I'm sure its understandable that I have read beyond that class.

Here are the books that I want to read that I have so far:

1. Rebel Women of the Gold Rush: Extrodinary Achievements and Daring Adventures ~ Rich Mole
2. Remember the Ladies: The First Women's Rights Convention ~ Norma Johnston
3. Setting the Record Straight: American History in Black & White ~ David Barton
4. Samuel Adams: A Life ~ Ira Stoll
5. Reading Like a Writer: A Guide for People Who Loves Books and for Those Who Want to Write Them ~ Francine Prose (love the last name...fitting for the book)
6. Ladies of Liberty: The Women who Shaped our Nation ~ Cokie Roberts
7. The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream ~ Barack Obama ( I can't believe I'm going to read this but I can't critcize a book if I haven't read it, even though I know I might gage from reading it)
8. The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity ~ Wm. Paul Young
9. Republic ~ Plato
10. Vanity Fair ~ William Makepeace Thackeray
11. Dearest Friend: A Life of Abigail Adams
12. Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fate of Human Societies ~ Jared Diamond
13. George Washington's Sacred Fire ~ Peter A. Lillback with Jerry Newcombs
14. How to Read Literature Like a Professor: A Lively and Entertaining Guide to Read Between the Lines
15. A Severe Mercy (With Eighteen Letters)~ Sheldon Vanauken
16. Narrative of the Life of Federick Douglass, an American Slave~ Federick Douglass
17. My Dearest Friend: Letters of Abigail and John Adams ~ Edited by Margaret A. Hogan & C. James Taylor
18. The Color Purple ~ Alice Walker
19. The Three Musketeers ~ Alexandre Dumas
20. The Man in the Iron Mask ~ Alexandre Dumas
21. The Guardian ~ Nicholas Sparks
22. The Princess Bride: S. Morganstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure ~ William Goldman
23. A Tale of Two Cities ~ Charles Dickens
24. What Could He Be Thinking? : How a Man's Mind Really Works ~ Michael Gurian
25. The Lovely Bones ~ Alice Sebold
26. Essential Dialogues of Plato
27. Dracula ~ Bram Stoker
28. Grimm's Fiary Tales
29. Eight Plays (all by Henrik Ibsen)
30. Cold Sassy Tree ~ Olive Ann Burns
    

So these are the list of books I want to try to get to this summer...I know I need to get going. And if you are wondering I have more books then the ones listed above...I just know I can't list all of them.

The Books that I am reading are:

1. The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writer's ~ Christopher Vogler
2. The Overton Window ~ Glenn Beck
3. Founding Mothers: The Women who Raised our Nation ~ Cokie Roberts
4. The Hidden Diary of Marie Antoinette ~ Carolly Erickson

So I hope I will be able to get to this. I was thinking about writing a book review on the books I have read...but I have to get to the reading for my class tomorrow. Maybe I will do that later tonight before I go to bed.

Been Busy With Classes

So I haven't been on my blog since I have been taking classes. Right now I am taking a class at Pelisssippi State Techincal Community. Its American Literature I and overall it has been awesome. We have talked about everyone from Anne Hutchison, Roger Williams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Frederick Douglas, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Herman Melvile, etc.

Overall I have been enjoying this class. Everynight I have to read about 50 pages of reading for the next day, it just depends. I also usually read more about the background of the author and other writings that our porfessor says that we don't have to read it, but she recommends it. So I take no chances, so I can be prepared at the end of the day.

I have had some annoyances while in this class, actually just one continuing annoyance. There is a girl next to me that rarely pays attention in class, she always is trying to copy other people's notes (as a result of her texting on the phone and not paying attention) highlights her book to the point where the page is moslty bright flourescent yellow (no one taught this girl how to use a higlighter) and this girl is going to be finished at the end of this summer at this community college.... really I know people get lazy at times I understand, but with her attitude and how she talks, she did this the entire time!!!! I know its a community college and it will get harder and blah, blah. But this girl is the kind to repeat questions in class that goes something like, "Wait...huh...w-w-what page was that on? Wait I don't see that, what page did you say it was? Umm what did you say the answer was?" And on and on. I sit next to an idiot and she keeps sitting next to me! I know I could move, but I like being close to the front.

Anyway, this class besides dealing with stupid girl has been a lot of fun, people might groan at that but I love literature, I have my own library(that's for another post). My favorite readings that we have done is:

1. Benjamin Franklin's Autobio( a part of it)
2. Anne Hutchinson's stuff
3. Frederick Douglass Narrative (a part of it)
   

I found these works my favorites, I found it to be inspiring and brilliant. I didn't agree with everything the professor said not because of my own personal beliefs, but because she was going on feelings of the what she got from the text, not using history of that person to interpret the text. Like with Benjamin Franklin, she said that he was that not much of a believer in God. Thats not true, you could say he would be considered a modern day non denomination Christian of sorts. For we were talking all about the His list of 13 virtues; she said he used them for money making puposes???? What!?!?!?!?!? Okay He did this, mostly because he wanted to be a better person and also ( this part Im not as sure of, cause I'm trying to recollect some research I had done a while back) because he knew that since he had trouble believing in the divinty of God, he thought that by practicing these virtues he may become a better person and maybe have a better understanding of God. But then again she is allowed to have her own opinion and I do respect her a great deal. Besides this, I really haven't had any moments that make me go Huh?

Now the one thing I learned a lot about was Frederick Dourglass. I admire that man, he is very brave and strong to have dealt with what he did. I am so glad I was able to read a part of it. I will be reading the full Narrative in the Future, I already bought it.

Back to the class itself....

So far in this class I have gotten 2 B's on 2 exams. An 88 & an 81. I have a strong B in thsi class. I am very proud of myself. And I have only missed one class; despite the fact that it is 8:00 every morning. I guess it helps that I'm home and I have my mom to tell me to get my butt up. ( :P )

Anywho I have just turned in my paper into this class this past Mon. and I will be taking the final exam next Mon. I hope I can get my grade up to a strong A!!

I'm also thinking of taking another class in the next session, American Literature II. I hope I wiil be able to take it. I know it may be shorter, but so far I was able to do real well, hopefully I can get it up to an A with the last test. I just have to do real well. Either way, I will be really proud of myself.

Well wish my luck with the coming exam next Mon!!

Sybil: A Story that Can't be Made Up

Title: Sybil: The Classic True Story of a Woman
Author: Flora Rheta Schreiber

Mass Market Paperback: 512 Pages

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Genre: Biography, Memoir/Health (It's sometimes in this section)

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

I started this book around March and I finally got to finish this book last week. It is a really great book to read, if anyone is interested in psychology, multiple personlity disorders, or just want to read an amzing book this is it. I do recomened beforehand though that you do not read this book if you are depressed and feeling down at the time; for throughout most of this book, it is not a happy story, its really painful, but helps you to appreciate life more and it's really insightful.

Sybil: The Classic True Story of a Woman Possessed by Sixteen Personalities written by her friend Flora Rheta Schreiber, it is a true story about a woman who throughout her child had an abusive mother, an apathetic father, lived in a town filled with purists christians; with their end of the world lectures being an every day norm, and also as a result of her disorder, she didn't have mamny friends and when she did she's told by her family to not be with them. I would tell you more about the book and an account of it, but I don't think I could do the book justice and I hope that it would encourage you all to read this awesome book.

All of these traumas that she experiences that go through and plus with the fact that her family has a history of mental disorder, she developed 16 different personalities that were all trying to live independtly of the waking self.

There has been a great deal of talk about whether or not this story could be true. If this story is not true, someone has a hell of an imagination and if it is a true story, then the person that went through it all is truly strong, amazing and a remarkable person. I give Sybill props to being able to do what she did.

Getting Motivated

So I haven't really felt that motivated lately. I think a part of it is because of the fact that I simply have just been feeling frustrated. I'm sure there are many people out there that can relate to the facct that when you are around a lot of people that seem to be able to get what they want without working that hard, that it is very frustrating to others like me, who work very hard and we are lucky to get where we are.

It's so hard to be motivated when it seems no matter what you do you just never seem to get there. I feel like I can never seem to get what I desire, even if I go after it. For me I think it has gotten to the point at times where I honestly feel "what's the point"??

It also takes a lot for me to get motivated anymore because I have this mentallity, this way of thinking. I know that the only way for me to be able to feel more motivated is that I have to change how I think. But the other thing is that I have to be able to accomplish something at least once, before I can truly believe that my hard work will pay off. So far to me, I have been shown that the only way to get ahead in life is to

• Have Money
• Have Connections
• Sleep Around
• Be the Same Like Everyone Else
• Be a Bitch or Basterd

And!

• Be Selfish
  

So yeah you can say I am not motivated because of all of this. I am working on it, like a great deal of many other things.

There are 3 goals this summer that I want to accomplish:

1. Get a job at the Oak Ridge Library


2. Register for a Math Class at Pelissippi State


3. Loose Weight

The things I have to do for each of these things really isn't that much.

For the 1st one I have to fill the appilcation form, finish the resume and hand it back in, by tomorrow. They are having turnovers...so I need to turn in the form fast.

I also have to register for a class at Pelissippi, but I have to first get a transcript from UTC, then I have to go in sign up for the class. Then I have to send to information back to UTC so I can get the Veterna's Affairs office there, so that way they can send a letter approving me to take a class there and so that way I can get the finacial aid that I need.

With the last goal, I have to loose weight. My only problem is that I love junk food, I'm not a big fan of working out and I never had to habit of watching what I eat or working out, because I never had to. I was always skinny, and had a high metabolism, I still have a high metabolism compared to others but I'm not where I was a year ago. I think there have been other factors of course, I was badically sick for 4-5 moths this year all together, my appetitie has been extremly up and down, I have been so stresed out with everything, and I felt like everything was out of control. So my goal is to not only loose weight, but get my metabolism back to where it was and perhaps even make it better.

Either way I need to get more motivated and I need to accomplish something, with doing all the hard work that I have done.

Friendship....Is it Real? A Dream?

"Don't Walk in Front of Me, I May Not Follow. Don't Walk Behind Me, I May Not Lead. Walk Beside Me and Be My Friend."

Friendship: the state of being friends

I don't know about the rest of the world, but I have always had wondered about friendships. Despite the fact that I do have some friends, I have a hard time believing whois my real friend and who is there out of convience. After all there are so many kinds of friends that existed:

• Those friends that you know through other friends


• Friends that you have in a club you are part of, but don't really spend time withoutside of the club


• Friends that you had since childhood
  
• Friends from high school


• Friends from college


• Friends from where you work


• Family friends


• Friendly Aquaintences


• Buisness friends


• On the surface friends


• Those people that you are once friends with, but through time you just lose touch
  

and last but not least

• The friend that's always there


• Me as my own friend
  

It's strange how there are different kind of friendships and friends. In my experience I have always found it hard to be able to differentiate. It has taken me many years to figure out true friends, to be honest I still have some trouble. Frankly, it has been hard for me to figure out whether or not I have friends.

For I have always been paranoid when it comes to opening myself up to other people, I won't go into details, but lets just say I was one of those kids that was severly mistreated and frequently betrayed by those who I thought were my friends. Well I did learn from my mistakes, but unfortunatly I kept running into the types of people who I thought were my friends, but really weren't. Heck I can write a book about the many types of people that you think are your friends, but really aren't.

So you can say that for many years and sometimes to this day, I have a little bit given up on the idea of friendship. You can say I'm not that kind of person that trusts people off the bat anymore. I am getting better though. It took till college for me to really believe this, the idea of friendship. The person that introduced me to this concept was my boyfriend. He really was able to show me that I can have friends and he was able to prove it. He was able to show that some of my sorority sisters are in fact really my friends. He was able to show that I can trust.

It still will be hard, I have been through a great deal. It has left many scars that you can say are still visible. Only through time will be I be able to accpet the idea tha friendship can become a reality, that it is more then a dream.